Considering Botox (Part 2)

This is a continuation from Considering Botox (Part 1).

APRIL 6, 2013

I found out that my insurance has approved me to try Botox for my chronic migraines (I believe once between now and the end of August). My doctor's office called and let me know that they've found out that the Botox should be covered completely by my insurance (NO deductible and NO co-pay... covered 100%, done in office)!

What an enormous blessing! Of course, insurance companies change their minds all the time, so hopefully they'll hold true to their claims. But, I trust that God will provide, when / as He moves us forward.

I'm still not sure if I'm quite ready to set an appointment to start the treatment. I'm doing my due diligence in researching and familiarizing myself with the treatment itself, as well as possible outcomes... perhaps over-researching...

I find myself hesitant for several reasons:

• I HATE needles! I know "they're just small needles," but they're still needles! It's hard for me to imagine being calm through the treatment, even after taking some anti-anxiety meds.

• I'm concerned about the possible side effects / reactions that might occur. I may be variably sensitive to the treatment aspects of a medicine, but I'm overly sensitive to the side effects. I think what frightens me most is that there can be horrible reactions, and there's not a whole lot that can be done. You can't flush the system of the medication, or just wait a matter of hours of days for the medication to wear off. It's in your system for months, and it can affect every part of your body.

• [Let me preface this by saying that I'm aware that this is illogical and incorrect] There has always been some comfort knowing that I haven't tried / exhausted every possible treatment out there. I know that I haven't because there are numerous different combinations of treatments. But, it's been somewhat comforting (however illogical) knowing that I have not yet tried Botox as a treatment. It seems to have a higher chance of helping than trying to go back through and find a balance of medications and side effects that's agreeable.

• I need to get my mind right. There's a fear of it working (but side effects being really bad) or of not working (and exhausting yet another potential treatment option). This can really mess with the mind, and I know that I need to have my mind in a better place, so that I can give it a fair chance of working.

So, I find myself waiting and wondering if I'll ever know that it's the right time for me to try Botox. Will it ever feel right? I felt that having my neuro-stimulator implanted was the right thing to do, and at the right time... but, it hasn't provided the relief I'd hoped for (and actually experienced during the trial).

Can I handle another failed treatment right now? I know that's a negative way to think about it, but I have to protect myself from getting blind-sided by another failure. The same must be asked about having a treatment be successful - am I in a place that I can accept and grasp on to a treatment that provides relief? I know this may sound ridiculous to some people, but it's something that people with chronic pain really do deal with.

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I was looking back to see how I was thinking and feeling prior to getting my neuro-stimulator implanted, and I came across something that I wrote. It fits NOW as much as it did THEN (primarily, the first link below)!

• Anxiously Hopeful
• Anxiously Hopeful, continued

This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

Considering Botox (Part 1)

FEBRUARY 13, 2013

I went to my migraine doctor a couple weeks ago. I've at least gained a pound or two (finally, thank goodness!). He's going to make the pill counting issue better. We discussed Botox, again...

Talking about potentially trying Botox is a HUGE thing for me, and something I have such mixed emotions about. I'm scared to death of needles (big, small, long, short... it doesn't matter). It's never felt right to try Botox (not just because of the needle phobia). I know a lot of people don't understand that at all, especially since I've had a neuro-stimulator implanted (i.e., surgery), but haven't yet tried Botox. But, it just hasn't felt like the right thing to try / the right timing.

Perhaps I'm starting to feel that it might be time to give it a try yet, but there are still hurdles ahead. My anxiety skyrockets when I so much as think about it. But, I don't want to continue to have chronic, debilitating migraines and never even tried Botox as a treatment. I believe, though, that treatments may work differently at different points in time... maybe it wouldn't have provided migraine relief had I done it a few years ago, but maybe now it might. Who knows?! My doctor's office is contacting my insurance company to see if they'll cover it, how much it'll cost, etc. Then, the ball will be in my court.

This will be continued in Considering Botox (Part 2).

This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).