The details of what happened are really no longer important. Suffice it to say that the decision to split the girls up was difficult and heart-breaking, but involved a lot of talking, crying, praying, and trying our hardest to make it work out without the separation result.
This post was written 5/11/2014:
Jeremy and I have struggled with so many things, regarding the situation with the dogs. Here are some of the things I wrote on 5/11/14, the day the girls had a big fight (not their first, or last, unfortunately):
We're both struggling with "what ifs," and other guilt / regret issues... We both wonder and feel somewhat at fault... like we could've prevented this from happening.
I hate that getting LayLee was something we talked about, prayed about, waited for. It seemed like the right thing / what we were supposed to do - for us, and for both the dogs. And, now, here we are.
Jeremy and I are also both dealing with feelings of incompetence or something. Like we've let the dogs down... like we've failed them. Both of these girls are amazing and deserve amazing homes / lives. We truly thought we were doing the best thing for them by keeping them together. But, they both have rough backgrounds (some known, some unknown), and it's just not working.
Without knowing my health, if / when Jeremy might travel, etc, it's just not feasible for us to be able to tackle this in a way that even has a hope to be effective. It's escalating so very quickly.
... LayLee is a member of the family, and I don't know what we're going to do without her quirks and silliness. It's so hard because we're not losing her to death... we're having to make a choice / decision to separate from her (I hope that make sense).
This post was written 7/11/2014:
As we made the difficult decision to separate our dogs for good, I struggled a lot (really, we both did).
Trying to keep the devil's voices at bay. He keeps trying to make me so concerned about what more we could have done, what others think of us / the situation, etc. Jesus, please protect me from him. You, alone, are my strength, Lord.
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| © 2014 Jamie V. |
pain, we still miss her so very much.
LayLee will always hold a special place in our hearts. She truly is a beautiful soul, who changes / touches the lives of everyone she interacts with (both human and canine). We wish her the best, as she truly deserves it.
Meanwhile, we're getting re-adjusted to being a family of three.
(((Jamie))) What an agonizing decision to have had to make. So heartbreaking. It was such a long time in the making of having LayLee join you, J & Honeybee. She was part of your heart for a long time before she was physically with you all. From an outsiders perspective, you did everything you all possibly could. Your selfless decision to return LayLee to her foster mom was the most loving thing I can imagine you did for her, for Honeybee and you & J. I cannot imagine having to do that with any of my pups. I can see what you mean that you are not losing her to death, but to separation and that is just as difficult and something you are grieving. Thank you for sharing these personal thoughts.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Jamie, you are so hard on yourself, but I understand as I would probably react similarly to making such an agonizing decision. In a book by Brennan Manning called "A Glimpse of Jesus: Stranger to Self Hatred", he wrote that we are infinitely harder on ourselves than God is on us. I'll be praying for you as you readjust to being a family of three. Praying God hold you close.
Thank you, Kelly. I appreciate your words and love.
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